A Giving Hand: A Gift and A Curse.

In relationships, I have always been the one to go over and beyond. Even without the other person showing the same. In friendships, I am the one everyone goes to whenever they need advice or ANY assistance with ANYTHING. I have always been that person, and being such a giving person has been a gift and a curse. A gift because I give without looking for anything in return, a curse because people see that as a weakness, and some take advantage.

My problem is, I do not know how to say “NO”. Anytime anyone calls, I come running, putting everything I am doing on hold. After being the one everyone can run to, I have expressed that I feel used or not supported and they get upset! Telling them “I no longer want to be the one you depend on” made me become such a bad person in their eyes. I lost friends last year for no longer being the one they can call and it has caused problems in all of my relationships. It’s like people see that I am so willing to help and do for others, and take advantage. I also am the one who goes to everyone’s kid’s parties, birthday parties, graduation parties, baby showers, dinners, weddings, etc. At times I would attend 2-3 events in one day! I’ll literally just get off work and make sure I am able to support people who I consider friends. Once I saw that this was not being reciprocated, I had to stop. Why am I draining myself to support those who do not support me?

I graduated in May 2017 and thought I would go straight into graduate school in Fall 2017. Since it did not work out that way, I decided I would work two jobs and work on all the goals that I had written down earlier last year. Then, of course, people began to need me, and I wanted to help, I JUST HAD TO. That leads me to put everything I wanted to do on hold, including my blogging. I work two jobs, and in my free time, all I do is sleep. I have tons of notes on my phone and notepads, to capture my thoughts but I never post them. So many things I wanted to do by the end of last year and didn’t do it. I’m not blaming anyone for not doing what I wanted to do, but I feel that putting my energy into other successes and not mines has held me back for so long. By the end of 2017, I decided that I would not allow anyone to stop me from where I wanted to be. So I began to list short and long-term goals I wanted to accomplish.

Today I vow to use the word no and only focus on myself. I have truly lost myself while building others up in the process, and I am taking every step to get back on track to ME. I have promised myself, that if I help with anything, whether it be a homework assignment, picking up their child, lending advice or money, that it will be a two-way street. Until then, I have focused on my own needs. I start a new job this month and plan to begin my graduate school application process soon. This is all a fresh start for me, and my energy needs to be focused on that. My energy has been off because I have been giving so much of myself and have not received anything in return. Once I started saying no for a change, I felt the weight of the world lifted off of my shoulders. My life has made a huge turnaround, and I refuse to go back to where I was. I will continue to be myself by not allowing my good heart being clouded by the misuse of others. I will continue to love and support those who support me. Putting myself first after so long of not doing so feels great. With that being said, I am reintroducing my blogging, and so much more, this will not be the end of my success! Thank you all for being patient and staying on me, I am back at it!

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11 thoughts on “A Giving Hand: A Gift and A Curse.

  1. Support those who support you!!! You know exactly who has your back and who doesn’t. Our motto should be “pay attention to those who don’t clap for you when you win.” I can relate to everything in this post and remember to ALWAYS protect your energy. I love you, boo! <3

  2. I wish we all realized how important it is to protect our energy before it’s too late. It would help against a lot of heartache and headache. I definitely understand where you’re coming. Learning that “no” is a complete sentence was such a hard concept for me, but I’m glad I learned it.

  3. Never feel bad for saying “NO” ! If they are your true friend they wouldn’t lend on you so much. Sometime we take soo much in that we barely realize that we overloading ourselves. Keep up with the blogging love 🙌🏾🙌🏾❤️

  4. Congratulations hun in doing things for yourself. I’m offended viewed as heartless or antisocial because I rather work on myself and making memories with my babies. I had to stop listening to what others thought of me and I’m much happier.

  5. I’m glad that you are now able to see who’s good for you and who isn’t. That’s one of those things that most don’t see is important until it begins to drag you down or slow you down. I’ve been around long enough to notice those who are no longer there. And to be honest, since then, your whole demeanor has change! You are more energetic, happy, and have that desire and drive that you needed to thrive and fullfill your list of goals! Lord knows you deserves all the blessings you reap! And as long as you continue on the oath your on I don’t see why you can’t havebit all! That’s why you will forever be, My Girl 💪🏾❤️💋

    1. awwwwww man this comment just made my DAY! I am glad to have you in my life. Thank you for helping me and supporting me, I am trying to accomplish my goals, and I do not think I could do it without you. Thank you and I love you! 🙂

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